Fairly Odd Angles and Other Stories
by Andrew Joshua Talon
Summary: How the Sage of Toads and I would write Timmy Turner's ascent into manhood. Here's a hint: He ain't played by Drake Bell...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The following is a Fan-Written Parody. Fairly Odd Parents is property of Butch Hartman, Frederator Studios, Nickelodeon Animation Studios, and MTV International. Please support the official release.

_I am so, so sorry Butch._  
_-The Ero-Sennin, as he realized what he had wrought upon the world_

_Me too!_  
_-Andrew J. Talon, as he popped popcorn._

* * *

**Fairly Odd Angles**  
**Or…**  
**When the curve got ahead of Timmy Turner**

* * *

Timmy Turner, age 15, groaned as he slowly returned to the waking world. Blinking, he stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom, which hadn't changed much over the last five years, save for the addition of a few posters of bands he liked and absent of the toys and childish things he once treasured. The teenaged boy sat up and could not help but notice that things seemed different. He couldn't place his finger on it, though.

He then felt the lightest weight on the top of his head. "Good morning, Timmy!"

Timmy's eyes went up, as a purple-haired five-year old fairy peered down at him. "Morning Poof."

Something looked seemed off about Poof, too. No longer was he a round, floating egg shaped being. He actually had limbs, a neck... Soulful eyes...

"Poof, did I make any sleep wishes that have drastically changed how I perceive the world?" Wow, he must still be half-asleep to speak so eloquently.

"Nope!" Poof said cheerfully. "I mean, I don't think so. You could ask mommy or daddy, but they were busy tickling each other last night and playing Scrabble-"

"Nevermind," Timmy said quickly. "Are they up yet?"

"Good morning sport!" Wanda said cheerfully, as she and her husband poofed into existence above Timmy. He blinked as he noticed something strange about his godparents as well. While they, like Poof, were still tiny and harmless, they had defined bodies and far more expressive eyes.

"Uh... Cosmo? Wanda? Something seems... Off." Timmy said.

"What do you mean, Sport?" Wanda asked. Cosmo's head fell off and bounced onto the floor. He looked up at his godson.

"Off? What? Do you mean my head? It just does that, Timmy! I'm sorry if you haven't gotten used to it yet," Cosmo apologized. He scowled up at his body. "Hey! Down here, dummy! No, no, to the left... Your _other_ left!"

As Cosmo tried to pull himself back together, Timmy sat up and rubbed the back of his head. "Everything seems more... rounder. Kind of like in Retroville, but not I guess."

"You mean bulgy?" Cosmo asked as he pulled his head back on. "Hmmm..." He rubbed his chin. "Everything seems to be normal to me... Then again, fairies see everything in eight dimensions!"

"Dear, that's you. Normal fairies restrict themselves to five," Wanda said wryly.

"Oh yeah!" Cosmo said cheerfully. "Upside-in is my favorittttte!"

"So what's wrong with me, then?" Timmy asked as he got up and stretched. While everything looked different, it didn't feel different.

"Probably just a change in how you perceive the world, it's nothing dramatic," Wanda reassured him.

"Nothing dramatic? Isn't that a little weird? A person can't just change how they perceive the world." Timmy went into his closet and tossed his t-shirt and boxers into a clothes hamper before putting on his clean clothes for the day.

"Nobody sees the world in the same way, sport. And even then a person's view can change like night and day," Wanda replied.

"Right!" Cosmo said. "My view of the world used to be... Well I didn't have much of one!" He floated up and hugged Poof and Wanda. "But after Wanda and I started... Uh... Playing Scrabble," he said at the look his wife gave him. "I pay far more attention!"

"Yay!" Poof said happily.

Playing Scrabble, that had to be a code for something. On the other hand, Timmy really didn't want to think about it. He walked to the window and looked out. The world seemed far more defined. Like, it were in High Definition, 1080i. It looked _gorgeous_!

He rubbed his eyes. "I can see clearer now..."

"The rain is gone!" Cosmo cheered.

Really, it should've been more disorienting for Timmy, as he walked down the stairs feeling like he and the entire world had an art shift, but it felt entirely natural.

"Good morning Timmy! Breakfast is ready!" His mother called, setting out a generous spread. It was slightly difficult to ignore the fact his mom had gained some generous proportions in other areas. That was okay though-His father wasn't ignoring it at all.

"Mmm... Great spread, Mom!" Mr. Turner said cheerfully.

"Oh you!" Mrs. Turner replied cheerfully. "Have some extra bacon, honey!"

Oh man, they were being extra sappy. "Did anybody get the mail yet?"

"Could you be a sport, son?" Mr. Turner asked as he watched his wife turn around to head back to the stove.

As Timmy opened the door, he heard a clap and a surprised squeak from his mother. Shaking his head, he headed outside and off the porch to the mailbox right on the edge of the street. He opened the box up and looked inside. He heard a mailbox down the street open, and looked over.

There was a gorgeous, curvy redheaded woman wearing tight spandex running shorts and t-shirt. She looked like she'd just finished running given that she was jogging slowly in place as she began rifling through the envelopes that she produced from the mailbox.

_Oh yes... Okay, there is definitely something to be said for this change in perspective,_ Timmy though happily as he ogled the woman shamelessly.

She didn't seem to notice him, or the world around her in general given the earbuds of an mp3 player pumping music straight into her skull.

_Sooo much detail, definition, depth... _Timmy wiped away a bit of drool, and impulse struck him. He jogged down the mailboxes and ran a hand through his hair. He put on his best smile, and tapped the woman on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, miss," Timmy said, "but I couldn't help but notice... Notice..."

The woman turned and looked at him, and he realized he made a grievous error as she recoiled a bit in confusion and unmistakable disgust.

"Notice what, twerp?" Vicky asked.

"I... You... Vicky... Hot...?!" Timmy stammered, his cheeks red. "Uh... Nevermind! You're _not_ hot!"

Vicky blinked in disbelief. "What?"

"I mean-I HATE YOU! _PERISH IN FLAMES!"_ Timmy shouted, turning and fleeing for his life back to his house. He slammed door behind him and leaned against it, panting for breath.

"Nice trip to the mailbox, champ?" Wanda asked.

"I saw something horrible and incomprehensible, deep beyond the **bowels of terror**!" Timmy gasped.

"Was it my brother's ex-wife? I thought I told her that I'm a happily married man!" Cosmo declared forcefully.

"Was it Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda playing Scrabble like Mommy and Daddy?" Poof asked.

"Ahahaha, ahahaha!" Wanda laughed a bit forcefully, covering Poof's mouth. "How adorable!"

Timmy was now certain that Scrabble was code for something else, but his mind was too overcome by horror to really process that right now.

"I was out at the mailbox, and there was this beautiful woman at another mailbox, and so I went over to say hi to her and the woman was Vicky and _ohGodInearlyhitonVicky_." Covering his mouth as he felt the bile shoot up his throat, Timmy all but poofed up the stairs and rushed into the bathroom.

"Timmy! You're missing breakfast!" Timmy's Mother called.

"BLARRRGH!" Timmy responded.

"Oh well! More for me!" Mr. Turner said happily. He then let out an amorous growl. "And speaking of getting _more_..."

"Oh you!" Mrs. Turner giggled.

"Right, come along Poof, nothing to see here," Cosmo said, hand over Poof's eyes.

"But I wanna see, Daddy!" Poof whined. Wanda sighed.

"Maybe when you're older..."

"Are they playing Scrabble?" Poof asked innocently. The two fairy godparents looked at one another and sighed. Wanda poofed headphones onto their child's head, and he was soon humming along happily to the Wiggles.

"We really need to find a better euphemism," Wanda said flatly.

"Euphemism might work. I don't think Timmy knows what it means," Cosmo suggested as they floated upstairs.

"No, it's a bit too... Euphemistic..."

* * *

Outside, Vicky was still standing at the mailbox, a blush coloring her cheeks. She shook her head rapidly and coughed.

"Well, well, well," she said wryly. "Turner... Guess you're growing up after all."

With a little smirk, she turned and headed back into her home.

* * *

**Anti-Cosmo: Hello, Anti-Cosmo here! I just wanted to get here before the oncoming storm of chaos this will unleash! Ahhh, the smell of it is sweet!**

**Head Pixie: Periodically, characters like us will commentate upon the shorts to add to the ambiance and drive a desire for extra features on the DVD.**

**Anti-Cosmo: Ah, Head Pixie, this is fanfiction. There is no DVD release.**

**Head Pixie: Drat. Oh well. The shift to a more detailed art style will guarantee more viewer satisfaction and the fanbase drawing more erotic fanart of the series.**

**Anti-Cosmo: I keep telling you that-Wait, how is _that_ going to make you more money, Head Pixie?**

**Head Pixie: Simple: Shares in ad agencies. You should really expand your portfolio beyond whatever you find on Google's "I'm Feeling Lucky."**

**Anti-Cosmo: That llama farm over the nitroglycerin factory seemed like _such _a good bet... Oh well! The YouTube videos will make it so it pays for itself! Ahahaha! Until next time~!**

* * *

_... Yeah, I have no idea where this comes from either._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The following is a Fan-Written Parody. Fairly Odd Parents is property of Butch Hartman, Frederator Studios, Nickelodeon Animation Studios, and MTV International. Please support the official release.

**Fairly Odd Refinement**  
**Or…**  
**It took how long for him to finally not screw this up?**

* * *

"TIMMY TURNER!"

Flames rose, lightning flashed, thunder cracked, and a cow mooed as the looming figure of Jorgen von Strangle loomed over a startled Timmy Turner. The militant boss of all Fairies drew and aimed his staff-like overcompensation of a wand at the boy, who recoiled in fear. "I have come here to inform you that-"

"For God's sake, Jorgen it's like two in the morning!" Timmy yelled, before he clapped his hand over his mouth.

"DO NOT INTERRUPT!" Jogen yelled directly into Timmy's face, blowing his hair back. The very large fairy man then smirked. "I know what time it is, I waited for the worst possible time to do this."

Timmy groaned. "What did I do now?"

"You have had fairies for almost ten years, and given your ongoing misery, which admittedly brings me great joy, you won't be getting rid of them anytime soon," Jorgen responded. "As such, Da Rules have been modified for special cases such as yourself, to ensure that 'Special Needs Children' such as yourself do not pose a threat with your wishes."

"Hey! What do you mean by 'special needs'?" Timmy asked, feeling highly offended.

"SILENCE!" Jorgen bellowed, making the whole house shake. Timmy scowled back at him.

"First of all, Timmy Turner: No longer will you be allowed to make wishes that alter reality on a fundamental level!" Jorgen stated. "No more superhero worlds, or action movie worlds, or bean curd worlds-"

"You can't blame me for that! That was a mistake!" Timmy protested.

"SECONDLY!" Jorgen growled. "You will never again be allowed to wish for the following items." He poofed up a list and handed it over to Timmy. Timmy frowned and looked it over.

"No 'super items', no wishes expressly for increasing my popularity, no wishes merely for impressing girls..." Timmy looked up from the list to Jorgen. "Hey now, that language is too vague!"

"Impressing girls can be a secondary benefit, but not the sole objective," Jorgen curtly replied. "Also, do not attempt to use a loophole, that is item three. NO! LOOPHOLES! EVER!"

Jorgen's in-Timmy's-face yell knocked him over. He looked up at the massive fairy with a glare.

"Would you stop doing that?! I can hear you just fine!" He hissed. "So can half the city!"

"TIMMY! DO YOU HAVE A GIRL IN THERE? A DEEP VOICED, AUSTRIAN SOUNDING GIRL?" Mr. Turner called.

"Uh... yes Dad!" Timmy quickly replied.

"GREAT! NEED ANY CONDOMS?" Mr. Turner asked.

Jorgen stared in disbelief at Timmy. He sighed.

"We're good!"

"OKAY!" Mr. Turner cried. "SHOULD I TELL YOUR MOM?"

"Please don't!" Timmy shouted back.

"OKAY!"

"... Finally," Jorgen said, deciding to just pretend that exchange had never happened, "you will never again be permitted to jump to another reality without proper supervision."

"... So, as long as I've got Wanda with me everything's cool?" Timmy asked.

"THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID!" Jorgen boomed.

"Supervision doesn't get any better than Wanda... unless it's heat vision," Timmy admitted. Jorgen glowered at him. "What? I didn't unwish it! You'd be surprised at how much it comes in handy!"

"Yes, I'm sure," Jorgen said dryly. "Understand, Turner, that we are trusting you to be responsible with your fairies. To have common sense."

"Common what now?" Timmy asked. He held up his hands as Jorgen's mighty wand glowed with barely suppressed magical fury. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Can't you take a joke?"

"Of course I can, that is why I came to you at two in the morning, because anything that inconveniences you–and does not harm me–is hilarious!" Jorgen replied before he laughed loudly in Timmy's face.

"No it isn't!" Timmy said defiantly.

"It is to me! Haha! Haha! Ahahaha!" Jorgen vanished in a poof of magic and a crash of thunder.

"Timmy? You doing okay?" Mr. Turner called.

"Ah... Yeah, just fine!" Timmy said.

"The big Austrian girl gone?"

"Yes, yes she is," Timmy said dryly.

"Well son, you'll have better luck with the next girl! But if you'd like, I can teach you some exercises to make her stick around longer-"

"I wish my room was soundproof," Timmy sighed.

"Granted!" Cosmo cried, covering Poof's ears as his baby slept peacefully. Wanda sighed and rubbed her fins over her face.

Timmy read over his new book of Da Rules, grimacing at the litany of restrictions and regulations he had to abide by. "This stinks! What can I wish for if I can't wish for stuff cool stuff anymore?"

"Maybe you should try wishing for a lawyer!" Cosmo suggested.

"Nah, I'm specifically banned from that except in cases of cosmic litigation," Timmy sighed. He thumped back onto his bed and stared up at the book held above him. "Why do I have such a heavily annotated version anyway? It's like it's designed specifically for me to enforce Da Rules myself!"

It was at that moment that Timmy found the part of the book that finally listed what he could do with his fairies and suffer no penalty. Blinking several times, he sat up again and quickly began to read this section. "Oh... oh!"

"What is it? I wanna see! I wanna see!" Cosmo said as he peered over Timmy's left shoulder, and Wanda his right. Together they read Da New Rules, and they all smiled.

"Ohhhhhhhh..."

A pause.

"... I don't get it," Cosmo said.

Wanda and Timmy sighed.

* * *

**Anti-Cosmo: Oh my... Will this actually lead to something? Or will it be a plot point quickly and easily abandoned? We'll find out... Oh yes, we will!**

**Head Pixie: He got out several bits of pertinent information out. The author did well.**

**Anti-Cosmo: Which means he failed.**

**Head Pixie: You act as though the author will be lynched.**

**Anti-Cosmo: If they didn't lynch him over the previous crap he's posted, they won't lynch him over this!**

**Head Pixie: Things can easily change.**

**Anti-Cosmo: Pfft... Fine! So cautious and boring...**

**Head Pixie: So reckless and feckless.**

**Anti-Cosmo: If you're so insistent on adding more... I'll handle it!**

**Head Pixie: Oh? And what will you add?**

**Anti-Cosmo: The thing that everyone wants out of a good story.**

**Head Pixie: Good writing? Clever jokes? Excellent accounting?**

**Anti-Cosmo: Sexual innuendo!**

* * *

**Fairly Odd Housework**  
**Or…**  
**There are benefits to being worked like a house elf (We Think)...**

"Oh Timmy! We've got a surprise for you!" Mr. Turner announced to his son as he and his wife entered the kitchen where their son was eating lunch. Timmy looked at his fairy god family (disguised as mascots on his cereal box), then slowly looked back at his parents. He sighed.

"You're going somewhere fun and leaving me in the clutches of Vicky again?" Timmy asked.

"Nope!" Mrs. Turner said cheerfully. Timmy blinked and smiled.

"Really?"

"Nope! We just thought you might enjoy a change of pace!" Mr. Turner said with a hearty laugh and a pat on Timmy's shoulder. Timmy sighed and rubbed his face.

"Well, I have to admit, I enjoyed that for a second," he said dryly.

"See?" Mr. Turner said cheerfully. "That student advisor thought he was so smart! Well who's smart now?"

"You are?" Timmy asked dully.

"Right again! Man, who said the teenaged years would be tough?" Mr. Turner asked with a jaunty laugh. "Take care, Timmy!" He waved as he and his wife exited the kitchen. Mrs Turner paused long enough to smile at Timmy.

"Remember Timmy! That punching bag is for your repressed anger!"

"Boy, do I know it," Timmy said. Mrs. Turner left, and Timmy's fairies poofed into existence. Timmy sighed.

"Great... Back to the grind," the teenager groused.

"Sorry sport," Wanda said. "Still! Could be worse!"

"Way worse!" Cosmo said cheerfully. "Maybe Vicky forgot her whip this time!"

"She never forgets her whip," Timmy sighed. "Not lately."

"Mommy has a whip too!" Poof said cheerfully. "I see her take it with her when she and Daddy play Scrabble-Mmph!"

A gag appeared over Poof's mouth, as Wanda again laughed nervously. Timmy didn't mind it so much though. He had enough mental scars from his biological parents, he didn't need to have more from his god parents.

"Ah well, how hard could the labor be?" Timmy asked.

"Remind me to never say that again," Timmy groaned, as he pushed a plow through his mother's vegetable garden. He was left with a white undershirt that was soaking with sweat, and the sun beat down on him with a constant hail of radiation. His muscles strained and he growled.

"Say what again?" Cosmo asked, as he, Wanda and Poof sat on the plow in the form of butterflies.

"How hard the labor could be?" Timmy panted.

"Well you said that like an hour ago! How could we remember that?" Cosmo asked.

"I did," Wanda said.

"Well, aren't we the one with the big brain!" Cosmo huffed. Wanda smirked.

"Yes I am!"

"Can't argue with that!" Cosmo announced.

"Twerp!" Shouted Vicky. Timmy scowled and looked back over his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

Vicky smirked as she held out a glass of water. "You look like you could use some refreshment."

Timmy blinked a few times, and scowled. "What's the catch?"

"Why do you think there's a catch?" Vicky asked, almost innocently.

"It's you?" Timmy asked.

"Fine then," Vicky said, shrugged. She splashed the water onto his shirt.

"Ack!" Timmy gasped. "Cold!"

"You should thank me, Twerparella! But if you're having trouble with that," she said, "get your shirt off."

"Huh?" Timmy asked.

"Shirt. Off. Now," Vicky said. Timmy shrugged, and yanked it off. He handed it to Vicky, who was eying him... _Hungrily_. He gulped.

"Er... Something on my chest?" He asked.

"Mmm... Nope," Vicky said cheerfully. "By the way, when's your sixteenth birthday?"

"Four months," Timmy said flatly.

"Good to know," Vicky said in a sing song voice, turning and heading back into the house. Timmy watched her go, noting she was swinging her hips more than usual. He blushed and coughed. He looked down at his fairies.

"What just happened?" He asked.

"Vicky? Being nice?" Cosmo gasped. "Maybe she finally got forced onto that medication!"

"Maybe she's messing with you in a new way!" Poof suggested.

"Maybe she..." Wanda trailed off, thought about it, and shook her head. "Nah...!"

"What?" Timmy asked.

"Oh, nothing," Wanda said. Timmy sighed.

"Yeah yeah," he said flatly. He grunted as he resumed pushing the plow. "Still... Ungh... Could... Be worse...!"

"Oh Twerp~," Vicky called again. Timmy sighed and looked back. His jaw dropped and his eyes bugged out as he caught sight of his babysitter...

Wearing nothing but a tight green bikini, which scandalously showed off almost every admittedly lovely inch of her curvy body. She smirked at him as she set up a beach chair, and laid down on it with a sigh and a stretch of her arms over her head that made Timmy blush and twitch.

"After you're done with the plowing... I'll let you apply more sunscreen to my back," she said. "How's that sound?"

"Uhh... Confusing?" Timmy asked.

"Good~," Vicky said with a short laugh, as she pulled sunglasses down over her eyes and sighed. Timmy stared at her for a while longer, before he returned his gaze to his fairies. Cosmo was covering Poof's eyes, as Wanda hummed thoughtfully.

"... What was that idea you had?" Timmy asked.

"Well... It may take more data to determine for sure but it's possible she... Likes you," Wanda suggested.

"... Now that's scary," Timmy said with a shudder.

"Twerp! The field won't plow itself!" Vicky called. Timmy sighed.

"Right..."

_I could think of other fields I'd like to plow-NO! BAD BRAIN! SHUT UP! STUPID HORMONES!_

Vicky smirked as she saw Timmy punch himself in the head. She sighed happily.

_"_Even trying to punish himself... So sweet..."

* * *

**Anti-Cosmo: See? Hot redheads always gets more attention!**

**Head Pixie: Sex appeal is the refuge of the desperate.**

**Anti-Cosmo: Have you looked at yourself lately?**

**Head Pixie: I don't have to. I'm voiced by Ben Stein. Audio erotica.**

**Anti-Cosmo: Damn your logic! Well, until next time...!**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: The following is a Fan-Written Parody. Fairly Odd Parents is property of Butch Hartman, Frederator Studios, Nickelodeon Animation Studios, and MTV International. Please support the official release.

* * *

**Fairly Odd Friends**  
**Or…**  
**The gang's all here...**

* * *

"Dad, Mom... Since I'm getting to be that age... Can I have a car?" Timmy Turner, age 15, asked his parents on a pleasant Saturday morning. Mr. Turner rubbed his chin.

"Hmmm... Giving you a car would be giving you a lot of trust, Timmy!"

"How can we trust you with a car if we can't trust you to stay home alone without a babysitter?" Mrs. Turner asked.

"Because you keep getting me a babysitter?" Timmy asked.

"You're right! Circular logic!" Mr. Turner laughed. "Well Timmy, I've got a better idea than getting you a car?"

"You'll get me a nice car?" Timmy asked with a smile.

"Of course not!" Mrs. Turner said happily.

"But you get to walk around and tell your friends you _won't_ be getting a car! Which is kind of the same thing!" Mr. Turner said with a hearty pat on Timmy's shoulder and a laugh. The teenager sighed.

"Right..."

He would get therapy, but what would be the point?

* * *

Chester McBadbat leaned back and sighed happily as he enjoyed a traditional soak in a water filled, fire heated barrel just outside his trailer. Littering the yard was exercise equipment, mostly home made. He grinned as he saw Timmy walking up dejectedly to his trailer.

"Hey Timmy!"

"Hey Chester... Why are you soaking in a barrel?" Timmy asked.

"All the great martial artists train like this! And it saves money on plumbing," Chester said. "So, why aren't you in your car? Didn't you say you were going to ask your parents for one?"

"Yeah well, they didn't get me one," Timmy said with a sigh.

"Don't worry! We can use my car!" Chester said cheerfully.

"You have a car?!" Timmy gasped.

"Yep! My dad's old 1969 Mustang!" Chester said proudly. Timmy grinned.

"Awesome! So uh..." Timmy looked around the trailer park yard, "where is it?"

"All over!" Chester said cheerfully. "It doubles as exercise equipment!"

"... You mean it's in _pieces_?" Timmy asked in disbelief.

"Sure!" Chester said cheerfully. "My dad gave me the pieces for my birthday and I've been working on it ever since!"

"How long have you been working on it?" Timmy asked.

"Well, I teethed on that fan belt over there," Chester said, pointing out a pile of spare parts.

"It was nice talking to you, Chester," Timmy sighed.

* * *

"Well, look on the bright side, sport," Wanda consoled her godson as he walked to AJ's house and his godfamily floated with him. "You're going to stay in great shape with all the walking you'll do!"

"Yeah! I mean, being a babe magnet is more than just having a super awesome car!" Cosmo said. "I didn't have a car when Wanda fell for me!"

"You don't need a car, you can _fly_," Timmy pointed out flatly.

"Oh yeah, heheh," Cosmo said, a bit embarrassed.

"Why don't you just wish for a _super_ car?" Asked Poof.

"Yeah, because that wish _never_ ends badly," Wanda said dryly. She looked over at her husband, who was trembling in mid-air. "Cosmo?"

"Super... Toilet... No, not again! AAAAAHHHH! Mmph! Mmph!" Cosmo whimpered as he sucked on his thumb. Poof blinked.

"Super toilet?"

"Dear, there are some things you just can't know about until you're old enough," Wanda said, patting her son's head. "Or ever, really."

* * *

AJ's house was Timmy's next stop. After cheerfully greeting AJ's parents, he went up to his friend's room slash secret lab. The (still) bald super genius was bent over an examination table, soldering components in what looked like an attractive, naked young lady.

"Hey AJ..." Timmy greeted before he beheld his latest project. "Uh... making a new friend?"

"_Girlfriend_," AJ said. "Mother won't accept any of the women I've tried dating, so I'm going to make my own to fit her specifications perfectly." He hummed and rubbed his chin. "Her boobs have to be big enough to distract my dad, but not so big my mother thinks she's a bimbo. I'm already come up with an algorithm to plot it out-"

"Yeah, that's great AJ," Timmy said, deciding to not inquire further. "Say, while you're on a engineering streak, I was wondering if you had ever considered building... like... I don't know... a car?"

"A car?" AJ asked. He sniffed. "How pedestrian! Why would I want to build a car?"

"To pick up women?" Timmy suggested.

"I've got a power loader for that," AJ sniffed, indicating his gynoid.

"We're kind of coming at this from different angles, aren't we?" Timmy asked.

"Yeah, but my angle seems to be working pretty well so far!" AJ said with a smirk. A robotic hand reached up and grasped his throat. "URK!"

"Call me Queen, sweetie!" Cackled the robot girl.

"Oh no..." AJ choked. "Wrong... Personality...!"

"Uh, this happen a lot?" Timmy asked, slowly backing away for the window.

"Ooh! And you brought me another to play with~," she crooned.

"You should probably run!" AJ cried.

"Didn't need a genius to tell me that!" Timmy shouted as he leaped out the window.

* * *

"All right," Timmy said, checking his cellphone, "AJ and Chester are not options... So that leaves... Elmer, Sanjay, and Tootie."

"Elmer's right out!" Cosmo said with a shake of his head. "His boil is actually a malignant tumor and he's in the hospital getting chemotherapy!"

"Oh yeah," Timmy said, shaking his head. "I stopped talking to him because he can't stop bragging about all the pity sex he's getting."

"And the sex you're not getting?" Cosmo asked with a cheerful smile. Timmy glared at him, and Cosmo coughed.

Wanda sighed as she shook her head. "Now now Cosmo, don't mock Timmy. I think it's commendable that he hasn't lost his virginity yet!"

"The fact my parents keep pushing me to do it in creepy ways helps with that," Timmy said dryly.

* * *

Timmy was playing video games when his parents shouted through the door.

"Timmy! Do you have a girl up there?" Mrs. Turner called. Timmy sighed and rolled his eyes.

"No Mom!"

"Would you consider getting a girl up there? We'll even have the TV up really loud!" Mr. Turner called.

"Yes! I'm sure!" Timmy shouted.

"Just in case you do have a girl up there, remember we put condoms in your closet!"

Timmy looked at his closet, which was filled to the brim with boxes of condoms. Timmy sighed.

"Don't worry! I remember!"

* * *

"Oh yeah! I made so many balloon animals for Poof! He loved it!" Cosmo laughed.

"It's not like you couldn't have lost your virginity, sport. You just choose _not_ to," Wanda said with a consoling smile.

"Yeah!" Cosmo said happily. "Like, remember your last birthday?"

* * *

Timmy entered his room, stretching after a long day of training in kung fu. Getting to be instructed by some of the best martial artists in history was _awesome._

"Man today was great!" Timmy said with a bright grin at his fish. "Thanks for that! Though Shan Yu was a little weird with how he talked to his falcon all the time-What's wrong?" He blinked at his three goldfish/godfamily, who were frantically waving their fins. "Huh? What's-?" Timmy looked at his bed and sighed.

"Happy birthday, Timmy~," Tootie cooed, looking admittedly hot in black lacy lingerie. Timmy sighed.

"Tootie... As much as I appreciate this, it's _not my birthday."_

Tootie pouted. "Oh, I got it wrong again?"

"Yes. For the _fourth day in a row,"_ Timmy said flatly.

"Why don't we just celebrate it early then?" Tootie asked, sitting up and stretching one leg over her head with a sultry smile. Timmy twitched and blushed.

"Tootie... We're underaged."

"So?" Tootie asked with a huff.

"And you might get pregnant," Timmy pointed out.

"So?"

"Considering my parents, you really want me to try being a parent_ now?"_ Timmy asked.

Tootie opened her mouth.

"Please remember who they get to babysit me. Routinely," Timmy said.

Tootie closed her mouth. She hummed.

"... Can we at least mess around for your birthday?" Tootie asked. "I've been working on my gag reflex!"

Timmy felt a smile come on his face. He then looked at his goldfish, who were frantically shaking their heads. He gestured to Tootie, who, despite being creepy, was incredibly hot. Cosmo began to nod, but at Wanda's glare the green eyed goldfish joined his wife and son in shaking their heads.

"Er... It'd be a bit... Awkward," Timmy said.

"What with the goldfish you constantly talk to being able to see?" Tootie asked. Timmy nodded.

"Sure, let's go with that."

"We could just put them in the bathroom! They wouldn't have to see!" Tootie said cheerfully. "Maybe it wouldn't take that long anyway!"

"Please leave?" Timmy sighed.

Tootie pouted.

"Fine! But your virginity will still be mine!"

"Maybe, but not tonight," Timmy said.

* * *

"Worst. Fake birthday. _Ever_," Cosmo pronounced.

"Still, could have been worse," Wanda said. Timmy nodded.

"Sanjay it is," he said.

Sanjay's house wasn't too far away from where he was, so Timmy was able to walk right up to the front door and knocked. Sanjay himself opened the door and grinned.

"Oh! You're here Kimmy! And you're dressed just how I asked!" Sanjay said cheerfully. Timmy blinked.

"Er, Sanjay?"

"Oh! Timmy!" Sanjay coughed. He rubbed the back of his head and looked aside. "Sorry... I thought you were someone else."

"Who?" Timmy asked.

"My totally hot girlfriend Kimmy!" Sanjay said cheerfully, holding up a picture. Timmy blinked several times.

"... Who looks like-"

"You?" Sanjay asked. "Aha! Aha! Wh-What a weird coincidence! I certainly didn't start to date her just because she looks like you! It was mainly the fact she gives me blowjobs in movie theaters!"

"I uh... Really didn't need to know that," Timmy said uncomfortably. Sanjay coughed.

"I didn't want you to know that."

"Sanjay!" Both boys turned to see Kimmy, who did indeed look like a hot, gender-flipped version of Timmy. She waved and winked at Sanjay. "Ready to go?"

"Are we going to a theater?" Sanjay asked with a grin. Kimmy smiled broadly.

"Oh yes~," she crooned.

"Then I'm _ready!"_ Sanjay crowed. "See ya Kimmy! Let's go Timmy!"

Timmy stared after them as they left. He sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Can I wish to bleach my mind after going through that?"

Cosmo, Wanda and Poof all poofed out of their hiding places and shook their heads. Timmy groaned.

"I didn't think so..."

* * *

Sanjay and Kimmy head off, leaving Timmy behind. He sighed, and then started when he saw AJ and Chester watching Sanjay and Kimmy head down the sidewalk.

"... Hey AJ? Want to go break up Kimmy and Sanjay and hit Kimmy on the rebound?" Chester asked. "Because man, she's like a female version of Timmy! She's got to be the best kind of girlfriend!"

"I... What?" Timmy asked. AJ and Chester blinked and stared at Timmy, as though seeing him for the first time.

AJ coughed. "Er, I mean, she has so many qualities that are... Good... Like yours... Except with boobs!"

"... I'm sorry, I have an ear infection and can't hear anything you're saying," Timmy deadpanned.

"SWEET! In which case, if Timmy was a girl he'd be the perfect girlfriend! And super hot to boot!" AJ said.

"Later Kimmy! Er, Timmy!" Chester said, waving at him. They took off, leaving a twitching Timmy.

"Sport?" Wanda asked. "You okay?"

"... I'm not... That's... Why?" Timmy sputtered.

"Would it help to know that in alternate universes where you were born a girl you're almost always dating at least one of your friends in this reality?" Cosmo poofed up a television and grinned. "And hoo boy, are _you _a naughty girl!"

"NO! THAT'S MORE TRAUMATIZING!" Timmy shouted.

"Good thing we didn't tell him about the gangbangs," Wanda sighed.

"AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!" Timmy shrieked. Cosmo scowled at his wife.

"Oh, good one."

"Oops," Wanda said. "Still, I got earbuds for Poof in time so it's not a total loss."

Poof was grooving away to the Wiggles as Timmy fell over and curled into a fetal position.

"MY BRAIN!" Timmy shrieked.

* * *

**Anti-Cosmo: AHAHAHAHAHA! Making Turner suffer! Now that's something we can both enjoy!**

**Head Pixie: Indeed. Suffer Turner, suffer...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: The following is a Fan-Written Parody. Fairly Odd Parents is property of Butch Hartman, Frederator Studios, Nickelodeon Animation Studios, and MTV International. Please support the official release.**

* * *

_Written by The Sage of Toads/Ero-Sennin._

* * *

**Fairly Odd Strength**

**Or...**  
**Sometimes you gotta grab the bull(y) by the horns**

* * *

Binky, the unluckiest fairy in the universe, was cursing his fate as he laid in his bed. The mightiest fairy in the universe, Jorgen von Strangle, sat in the chair next to the bed with a grim expression on his face.

"It's time, Binky," Jorgen growled.

"No! No, please!" Binky sobbed, tears pouring from his eyes. "Anything but that! _Anything_ but that!"

"I have no choice!" Jorgen pronounced. "You know I don't! I would do anything for my beloved wife-_ANYTHING_!" Then Jorgen smiled cheerfully, and held up a colorful story book. "So! You will be my hypothetical child, and I will be your equally hypothetical father reading you a bedtime story!"

"Can't you get someone else for this? _Anyone_ else?" Binky begged. "Why not a baby doll?"

"Baby doll would not respond properly," Jorgen grumbled as he flipped through his book. "Let's see... How about... Timmy Turner and the Bully?"

"Is there another choice?" Binky asked.

"No."

"Didn't think so," the unluckiest fairy sighed. Jorgen affixed some reading glasses to his nose and cleared his throat.

"Once upon a time, there was an annoying godchild named Timmy Turner," Jorgen began. "Who was frequently asked what time it was by a certain frightening gray teenager..."

* * *

"Hey Turner, what time is it?"

Timmy Turner, 15 years old, let out a sigh of defeat when he heard the deep, threatening voice behind him just outside of Dimmsdale High School. He looked back at the towering form of Francis, the pale, slow-looking 17 year old all malicious smiles as he cracked his knuckles.

Timmy let out a sigh. "Adventure Time with Finn and Jake?"

On that note, Timmy made a mental note to wish to go to The Land of Ooo for a genuinely fun and lighthearted adventure in a surprisingly grim and dark world... though he'd probably forget it after his concussion.

Speaking of, Francis laughed. "Nope, it's time for your 2:45 nap!"

Timmy sighed again. "Can I stop you just for a second, Francis?"

Francis paused mid-windup. "What?"

"Every school day you beat me up, and while yes, you have yet to face any _real_ consequences for your actions, do you really want to–later in life–be stuck with a reputation as someone who regularly preyed on those smaller and weaker than you for your own personal enjoyment?"

At that question, a look of consideration appeared on the large teen's face, for all of a second at least, before he smirked and grabbed Timmy by his collar. "Well, it at least means I have a future in politics, or as a bank CEO."

Timmy's face fell, though it was more him relaxing every muscle in preparation for what was to come. "You've given that a lot of thought, haven't you?"

"Yep." And with that Timmy was punched at least a dozen times. He wasn't sure, because he lost consciousness after the fourth.

When he woke up, he was lying in a dumpster amidst bags of cafeteria refuse, his face bruised, his eyes blackened and dried blood caked around his mouth. Groaning, he sat up, turned his head and promptly vomited.

"Wow... that's never happened before," he said as he looked at the mess he added to the dumpster. "Wait, when did I eat pizza?"

"For lunch, remember?" Cosmo replied as he, Wanda, and Poof appeared in the dumpster with him.

"Daddy, I don't think he remembers lunch," Poof pointed out.

"I'd never, school pizza is the best!" Cosmo made a slice appear, and began eating it. "Mmm!"

Wanda was checking on Timmy. "I think Francis gave you a real concussion this time."

"Oh, is that why I can see fairies?" Timmy asked in a daze.

Well, this was certainly alarming. Wanda looked to her Husband and Son. "Cosmo, Poof? Let's get him home."

One poof of magic later, and Timmy was cleaned up and in the comfort of his bed, an ice pack on his forehead. Reaching up to rub his very tender face, Timmy sighed as his faculties began to reorganize. "I wish I had something for this terrible headache."

Wanda conjured up a pair of aspirin and some water, which Timmy took without hesitation, before lying back down. "Timmy," she said, "Francis is getting more and more violent with you. Do you know why?"

"Could it be that he has no actual plans for life after high school, so he figures if he ends up in the criminal justice system like his father, he won't have to worry about it?" Cosmo suggested.

Timmy nodded. "Whatever Cosmo just said."

The part that bothered Wanda the most was that Cosmo was probably right. "Don't you think that maybe you should do something about that then?"

Timmy let out an irritable groan. "What can I do? Everyone is afraid of Francis, the teachers, the principal, my parents, the police. I think even the Military has special rules of engagement when it comes to him."

"You could always call the CIA," Cosmo suggested.

"I think he's on their recruitment shortlist."

Poof then spoke up, "Timmy, why don't you wish to learn Kung-Fu, so you can defend yourself?"

Timmy stared at Poof. "The last time I wished for Kung-Fu skills, bad things happened."

"Well then wish to learn them, so you'll know how to use them responsibly." Everyone stared at Poof, who looked at his parents and God brother with bemusement. "What?"

"That... that's actually a good idea, Poof," Timmy said.

"He's so smart!" Cosmo squealed to Wanda as he hugged her. "My looks and your brain, he's going to be a real ladies' man when he grows up! I'm so proud!"

"Cosmo has looks?" Timmy asked. Cosmo looked somewhat affronted.

"Darn straight I do! I'll have you know I am the hottest churro in Fairy World when viewed in six dimensions or more!"

Timmy looked to Poof. "Well, if you got it, flaunt it I guess."

"I intend to!" Poof cheerily replied.

Timmy smiled to Poof and his God Parents. "Well, I wish to learn Kung Fu!"

Wanda hummed. "How much Kung Fu?"

Timmy's smile grew. "I wish to be a Grand Master!"

"That'll take years though," Wanda said. "You should wish to speed that up a bit."

She had a point, Timmy hummed. "Okay, I wish to learn enough Kung Fu to be a grand master overnight." Before they could raise their wands, Timmy quickly added. "I would also like for my body to learn enough Kung Fu to be a grand master overnight too, but without the negative effects that come with it."

Wanda blinked. "That's... oddly specific."

"That's the concussion talking," Cosmo pointed out.

"Oh, fair enough then!" With that, Wanda, Cosmo, and Poof raised their wands and then magic happened!

And so, Timmy fell into a concussion-induced slumber. As he lay borderline comatose, he dreamt of traveling the globe, training with the greatest masters of martial arts, from China to Korea, to even Thailand and Indonesia and Russia. He learned it all, in different times and different places, kicking, punching–all in his mind. And any injuries incurred in his dream quest were instantly healed by his fairies, allowing him to grow stronger and tougher...

* * *

"Can I leave now, Jorgen?" Binky asked plaintively.

"SILENCE! I AM ABOUT TO TELL YOU THE BEST PART!" the muscular magical man yelled. "You see, in all of Timmy's questing, he actually learned something more important than the arts..."

* * *

The very next morning Timmy Turner, 15 years old, turned heads as he stepped off the bus and walked towards the doors of Dimmsdale High School. While nothing had physically changed about the youth, from the way he moved it was like a whole new person. Martial Arts mind training had done wonders for his posture and gait, leaving him walking tall like a grown man rather than a slightly slouched teenager.

"Hey Timmy, dude did you get taller or something?" Chester asked as he and AJ joined his flanks on the way to the front doors.

"I've always been tall," Timmy pointed out. "Remember? Puberty hit me like a freight train when I turned thirteen."

Chester laughed. "Oh man, do I. We were all calling you pizza-face behind your back for weeks."

"I'm still not sure how that cleared up so fast," AJ said. "Your case of acne was so severe people thought you were a walking biohazard, or you caught whatever Elmer has."

"Let's just say it cleared up, like magic," Timmy said with a smile.

"That joke _never_ gets old," Cosmo laughed to his wife and son inside Timmy's bookbag.

Speaking of jokes, a shadow loomed over the three, ready to tell another one. "Hey Turner, what has two black eyes, five missing teeth, or no lunch money?"

Chester and AJ quickly walked away from Timmy in opposite directions as he stopped and turned to face Francis, who still towered over Timmy despite his posture change. As he was wont to do in this situation, he let out a sigh. "Shouldn't it be 'what has two black eyes, five missing teeth, _and_ no lunch money'?"

Francis grabbed his collar, and got in Timmy's face. "I don't know, _should it?_"

Excitement was practically pouring out of every orifice on Cosmo's body. "Oh boy, here it comes! Timmy's going to unleash the dragon, the tiger, and several other creatures of Asian lore!"

Timmy stared at Francis, and then reached into his pocket to produce ten dollars.

"Here you go."

Dead silence ensued for five seconds. Wanda kept count.

Francis was admittedly taken aback by the quick acquiescence, but nevertheless took the money. Timmy wasn't one to just hand money over to him, in fact, Timmy's first recourse would be to attempt negotiating his way out of paying anything, or at least a lower amount. This was usually followed by sarcasm and then some form of assault that the authorities looked the other way from. Thus, Francis felt a little cheated.

"You know, if you just hand the money over, you take the fun out of it," Francis growled at Timmy.

A small crowd gathered as Timmy took Francis's hand and removed it from his collar. "You should just take the money and go, Francis. I don't want any trouble."

Cosmo was pumped once more. "Oh man, Jackie Chan says that! He's going to give trouble, and Timmy's going to show off moves that are fast as lightning!"

Francis narrowed his eyes. The twerp was acting weird, and Francis was going to figure it out... later. "Good, it's always good to see a wimp know his place."

Timmy smiled... And turned around. He began walking towards the school entrance. The book bag partially unzipped. "Timmy!" Cosmo admonished. "What happened? You were supposed to go all Bruce Lee vs. Chuck Norris on Francis's face!"

"Maybe, but knowing what I know. It's not worth it," Timmy replied. "There's nothing at stake to beat up Francis for. I can always get more money later."

Wanda could not be more proud.

Cosmo could not be more disappointed. "Aw come on, you could've at least done that whole 'make him beat himself up' thing they do in the anime!"

"Still not worth it, Francis is way too weak." Timmy heard a yelp, and looked back to see Francis holding up a fourteen year old off the ground by his collar. Ten dollars wasn't enough for the bully it seemed.

"Well," Francis said, "It looks like today's your lucky day. You happen to be the smallest and weakest kid in the schoolyard who hasn't given me any money today."

"Uh... y-yay?" The kid squeaked as other students watched.

"So, here's your reward." Francis promptly punched the kid in the stomach, and as the kid fell to the ground clutching his stomach, the bully searched his pockets and acquired his wallet. "And here's my prize money."

Timmy performed an about-face, and began walking towards Francis. As he came up upon the bully counting his ill-gotten money, he produced a cellphone and dialed 911.

Immediately, emergency dispatch answered. _"911, what's your emergency?"_

"Yes, I'm calling from Dimmsdale High School. A student got beaten up," Timmy replied.

Francis immediately turned to look at Timmy. "Hm? Turner? Calling yourself an ambulance?" He grinned and punched his fist into his palm. "Good. Saves me the time."

Cosmo grinned and gave his son a wink. "This is going to be _good_."

Timmy ignored Francis as he described the student in question and the injuries sustained. "Yes, the student's name is Francis. It was pretty bad, whoever did this broke his arms, four of his ribs, and dislocated his shoulder."

Francis recoiled at that, growled and then swung at Timmy's face. Without diverting his attention from the phone, Timmy caught Francis's fist in his free hand. The witnesses, and Francis, gasped at the sudden movement.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Timmy said casually, "I forgot to mention they _crushed his hand_."

There was the sound of joints popping, and then bones audibly crunching as Timmy destroyed Francis's fist in his grip. The gray-skinned bully's eyes bugged out. "You have an ambulance and police on the way? How long? Five minutes? Oh that's more than enough time, thank you."

Timmy ended the call, and put his phone away. He then looked at Francis. "Hey Francis, what time is it?"

Francis, being as slow as he was to any intellectual pursuit, acted frighteningly quick as he realized what was about to happen to him. "H-hey Turner... wait... can't we talk this over? I mean uh... I-I can just give you the money back... More, even!"

"You don't get it, do you Francis?" Timmy asked calmly. "I'm not turning into _your_ bully. I'm not victimizing you back. I'm stopping you from victimizing others."

Timmy let go of Francis's hand, and everything happened very fast after that. He struck Francis eight times in the celiac plexus, breaking his four lowest ribs. As Francis doubled over, unable to scream from the wind being knocked out of him, Timmy grabbed his right arm and delivered a upward strike from his free hand to the bully's armpit, dislocating his shoulder with a sickening pop.

Grabbing his other arm, Timmy held both behind Francis, as the pale punk panted for a breath he couldn't catch. With a quick twist and an upward motion, he bent Francis's elbows in a direction they were not supposed to go. This time, Francis took a deep enough breath to scream.

As he screamed, Timmy grabbed him by the face and turned him around to properly face him. He cupped his face in both hands, and forced Francis down to eye level. "Hey Francis," he said calmly.

Francis, tears pouring down his face as he stared at Timmy in agony and terror, could barely form words. "W-wha...?"

"You didn't tell me what time it is."

Francis shook his head. No, he didn't.

"What time is it, Francis?" Timmy asked.

Francis looked at the clock tower atop the high school. "T-time for my 7:48 nap?"

"No... it's time you got what's coming to you, _once and for all_. That means, you're never going to do this kind of thing again, and I'm never going to do _this_ kind of thing again. However, if you feel that you do have to beat up, shakedown, or just generally antagonize anyone again, I will be there... and I will call the morgue for you instead of the hospital. _Capisci_?"

Francis, wide eyed as a wounded deer and just as threatening, managed a weak nod.

Timmy smiled. "Good."

Timmy turned and resumed his trek for the school, just as the ambulance arrived. AJ and Chester watched Timmy go for a long, silent moment, then turned to one another.

"So... Fucking... _Awesome_," Chester whispered.

"Whatever happened to him, I hope it doesn't just go away like so many other weird awesome things associated with Timmy," AJ said.

"Amen," Chester said with a grin.

* * *

In another part of the crowd, Tootie fell to her knees in awe of Timmy's swift dispatch and terrifying threat to Francis. She couldn't stand up, her legs had turned straight to jell-o from the second Timmy let Francis go and walked away. "Oh wow... T-Timmy..."

Veronica, who had also been watching, quickly ran from the crowd with flushed cheeks. Trixie emerged from the school doors, among others drawn by the commotion, and blinked as she saw her friend's appearance.

"Veronica? Is everything-?"

"I'm going to be in the bathroom for the next twenty-No! Thirty minutes," she said quickly. "If anyone needs me, have them call me on my phone."

"Uh, okay?" Trixie said, blinking quizzically.

"It'll be on _vibrate_," Veronica said in a low purr as she hurried off. Trixie watched the blonde cheerleader run off with a bemused expression on her face.

Trixie turned to find Tad and Chad, her fellow affluents, staring slack-jawed at the paramedics tending to Francis. Trixie immediately saw this. "Ew, what happened to Francis's arms?"

"Turner destroyed him," Chad said.

"But uh, we could have totally done it better," Tad was quick to point out.

Timmy did all of that? Trixie was impressed, very impressed. She never really had anything to fear from Francis, given his natural fear of her, Tad, and Chad's ability to summon well-paid and well-armed security personnel at a moment's notice. However, she still disliked the ugly pale creep for his bullying ways. That it was Timmy, his favorite target, who defeated him was almost poetic.

"Who else but Turner, you know?" She asked her fellow socialites.

"What?" Both asked.

"It's fitting, that's all. Besides, after everything Turner's done before, why would it be so surprising that he got tired of Francis's crap and beat him up?" She went on.

Tad and Chad regarded that with bemusement. "What else has Turner done?"

Trixie was about to reply, when she suddenly found herself at a loss to answer that. There was something Timmy had done before, right? Something amazing...

She shook her head. "I'm sure it was something cool. Whatever it was..." Seeing as there was nothing to be seen outside anymore, she headed inside.

* * *

"And so, Timmy Turner walked off like a Boss, having learned that true honor comes from knowing when, and when not to fight! As well as to make sure you don't have to fight again!" Jorgen boomed. He slammed the book closed. "THE END!"

"AH!" Binky cried, nearly flying out of his bed. He glared up at Jorgen. "Don't end it like _that!_"

"What? The End is how all stories end!" Jorgen said. "Save for The Neverending Story, because it if ended, it wouldn't be the Neverending story-"

"No no no! I mean slamming the book shut, bellowing... And that ending was lousy!" Binky said. Jorgen glared and loomed over Binky-More so than usual. The smaller fairy gulped.

"Oh? It was?" Jorgen asked in a dangerous tone.

"I-I mean... It didn't have any resolution, um, for Trixie," Binky said. "You know, how she actually fell for Turner but forgot when you erased her memory and... Stuff?"

"Hrm... You're right," Jorgen said, stroking his chin. He grinned. "Of course! I'll just tell my future child stories in the form of an arc. This is the beginning! Then there will be a middle part, then a bridge, then maybe some filler..."

"Right. Um, can you think up all that stuff... Somewhere else?" Binky asked quietly.

"And what's wrong with us doing this brainstorming in here? You are filling in for my future child! I NEED FEEDBACK!" Jorgen bellowed. Binky sighed.

"Why do I even bother...?"

* * *

Of course, Jorgen's story would be a little more exciting, if he knew of an unexpected plot point. Timmy Turner's vicious little beating of a bully who long had it coming went viral, and before it was taken down by certain sites for being far too graphic for their content filters, it had wound up downloaded into the favorites folder of a particular computer... and watched almost endlessly.

Vicky, in the comfort and privacy of her bedroom, smiled as she watched Francis's elbows shatter for the nth time that evening. Biting her lower lip, she watched as Timmy went eye to eye with his former tormentor, and laid the new law down.

"Oh my God..." she said in amusement. "I've created a monster."

And she _liked it_.

* * *

**Anti-Cosmo: Ooooh... Methinks Timmy is going to have a lot more problems sooner rather than later!**

**Head Pixie: I look forward to it...**


End file.
